then andi and beth came into town, and we went to the jemez hot springs (nearly died getting there), spent time cooking (and eating), shopping, and playing putt putt. it's nice to have out-of-town guests who re-introduce you to the place you've been living for years.
we had a labor day barbeque and poker game with some good friends...
claudia and michelle are two of my favorite people in albuquerque. kb and i have decided to move out of abq in the spring, which most of you probably know already. it's time. next st. patrick's day will mark my 6th year in new mexico. when i first moved out here, i was fresh out of college, 22 years old. it was tough at first, feeling alone in a foreign place, but i met some good friends early on, and they helped me through the dark years of a bad relationship. now, i feel happier than i've ever been... it seems like i went through what i did to come out on the other side whole, and strong, and open to the first healthy relationship i've probably ever had. plus, i got a master's degree. bonus! all told, my albuquerque chapter is over, and now, i'm getting ready for a move to another totally foreign place (that is COLD!). this time, it's not out of desperation or a lack of options, but an excited and hopeful step forward.
my 28th birthday this past saturday reminded me how much i've changed since i moved out here. i have always been a diva on my birthday, always had ridiculously high expectations (that set me up for disappointment) and needed big parties and friends and who knows what to be happy. well, this year, i woke up to a cold on saturday. i had to cancel our plans to go out for casual drinks with friends and stay home sick. despite feeling like crap, it was one of the best birthdays i have had.being sick forced me to relax, and i had no expectations. kb was so sweet to me, and we spent the day reading outside on a blanket, watching a couple episodes of dexter, cooking chicken soup and just spending time together. i opened presents from my mom and my aunt, and got a silly amount of pleasure from people's facebook wishes.
perhaps my favorite part was having birthday candles in my rainbow sherbert (and kb having one in her coffee ice cream). i had three candles, but just made one wish and multiplied it by three. kb made a wish because i really wanted her to have a candle too; it felt right =)
just a few years ago, i was forcing everyone present (everyone!) to take jager shots in my honor, and this year, i was happier than ever to spend the day in pajamas. kb's mom says it's maturity, which i find flattering, but i'm not sure that's it. i'm starting to avoid setting specific — and high — expectations for holidays like new year's, birthdays, anniversaries. starting to believe that planning isn't always the way to go, and sometimes a quiet or unexpected celebration is better than a blowout party. the best moments can't be planned.on my birthday two years ago, i was staying on abbie's couch, at the bitter end of an abusive three-year relationship. i was on top of the world because i was free, despite using the trunk of my car as a closet and a book shelf. eight or ten of us went out to gecko's for drinks, and this girl from my brand new grad school cohort showed up.... the (i assumed) straight girl who was looking super hot. she gave me a sweet birthday letter (which i read in the bathroom) and i didn't give it much thought after that. it was a good night, all-in-all, and when we got back to abbie and candace's house, they said, that girl has a crush on you! no way, i said, she's just a straight girl from school. i showed them her letter, though, and they were convinced. i wasn't. but a couple of nights later, she made it very obvious...
so, my birthday signifies something different to me now. an anniversary of sorts, of a new start to my life, of a new and beautiful beginning that doesn't require the roller coaster of expectations and disappointments because it is perfect... not flawless, but perfect in that i wouldn't change a thing.
with love! //k
